My Experiences With Anxiety, PTSD, Depression, and Kratom.. My Experience As A Psychiatric Nurse and Seeing My Patients Suffer Horrific, Permanent Side-Effects and Withdrawals.. As A Result From Taking Psychotropics ~

Something I can never unsee is one of the most exciting and interesting experiences of my life. When interning at Napa State Hospital, my co-worker got us special privileges. She worked for years in the lab. Her mother worked there, as well. She knew all the doctors, nurses, and techs at Napa State Hospital. Therefore, we were given special permission to watch an autopsy. However, it turned into something much more than that. We got to help assist and participate in performing the ACTUAL autopsy. Let me tell you that basements and tunnels really do exist in mental institutions and the scary movies you watch are really real. Well, some of them. My surroundings were something out of a Frankenstein movie, not exaggerating.

You would think that they’d have a few staff members (at least) to guide us with this gentleman who is now deceased. But, here we were, standing in line in an underground tunnel, with a single hanging bulb encased in metal, above us as we waited in the dark waiting to be let in. Our staff arrives of two, Larry the mad scientist who works in the lab, and this nice woman doctor. That was it.

Done in the basement, near the underground tunnels, surrounded by dark green walls and cadavers in jars, I stood there feeling faint from so much formaldehyde and bone dust in the air. As I stood holding a heart, next to Larry the mad scientist, I felt light-headed as he sat with his skill saw, sawing for the longest time into the skull, so we could examine the brain.

I felt a certain surreal sadness, as I saw my friend Jerry come down the high stairs, down from the pale-green circle of bleachers. I felt so bad for him because he almost fell down the stairs the second he heard the saw go into the skull. For, his daughter had a brain tumor and died recently. As I watched what was before me and participated, I knew this was not exactly normal and indeed unnatural. However, it is how we learn.

I, of course ..volunteered to be front and center, doing as much as I can. This gentleman had Huntington’s disease which we were studying, at the time. It’s a horrible condition, I remember my patients having it because it causes them to have involuntary movements, with their muscles and limbs. It’s very embarrassing and bothersome for the person.

The autopsy went on for at least 2 hours. As my friend and I passed organs back and forth, the doctor handed me a large sewing needle threaded with leather, and we began to sew the body closed. I and my classmates felt somewhat intoxicated by this time, and the bone dust was so thick in the air that I was covered in it and it’s all I could smell. After watching and waiting for him to cut all the way through, seeing it with my very own eyes, I know for fact how incredibly strong our skull really is. It took him at least half an hour to finally get to the brain. That’s how hard our skulls are. It was truly remarkable! I could of done without the bone dust, though. Haha 😏

The next day, we went to view the slicing of the brain. As my class and I were surrounded by brain surgeons, we realized we could barely understand anything they were saying. We were surrounded by brilliance. However, there should come a certain responsibility with that power and brilliance. Unfortunately, that’s what’s missing, most of the time when it comes to doctors prescribing their patients psychotropics. I think they sometimes lose site of the emotional side of things and look at everyone as specimens, instead of actual human beings, who are going to be AFFECTED BY THEIR ACTIONS.

I kept thinking of this poor guy with Huntington’s Disease. I never forgot him and I truly pray and wish for his soul to be at peace. I felt almost guilty that we did this to him, but again I know this is how diseases are studied. I always wondered though and hoped that he actually gave consent for that to be done to his body. Was his family okay with this being done?

In my experience, it seems doctors don’t pay much attention (or don’t care) to the possible adverse side-effects, when someone is suffering from ANYTHING related to the mind, especially when money is involved. Politically driven, no doubt.

I think a lot of people have been saved by newer psychotropics, but I also know too many have been hurt by them. It is estimated that over 500,000 people in the United States have Tardive Dyskinesia (TD/EPS) which is extra-pyramidal symptoms.

It’s so completely barbaric and sad though.

One reason why I hate psychotropics so much is because of their dangerous side effects, such as extra-pyramidal symptoms, such as Tardive Dyskinesia. What’s worse is that these symptoms are now being minimized on TV ads.

EPS (extra-pyramidal symptoms) are NOT a small thing, BY ANY MEANS. Below is an excerpt from an article regarding withdrawals and antidepressants.

‘In addition, imipramine was withdrawn from 2 male and 5 female patients “due to complications”:

One of these patients was a 39-year-old man who had previously been well, apart from slight infections and pneumonia 6 months previously. Prior to treatment he did not manifest symptoms of somatic abnormality, and the EEG was also normal. During the first 5 days of treatment he suffered from universal motor restlessness in the form of unintentional, coarse jerking movements. This disturbance intensified in spite of reduction in the dosage to such an extent that the patient was hardly able to descend the stairs or feed himself. When at its height, there were myoclonia [involuntary muscle spasms] and jerky, throwing movements of the head and extremities. His gait reminded one of ataxia [impaired coordination as when drunk] and on the whole he resembled a case of Huntington’s chorea [due to cognitive and motor-based decline].’

‘The First Studies of Antidepressant Withdrawal’

On the similarities between first- and second-generation antidepressants.

Christopher Lane, PhD

Christopher Lane, Ph.D., teaches at Northwestern University, where he is a member of the Center for Bioethics and Medical Humanities. His books include Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness (Yale, 2007). An award-winning medical writer and regular Psychology Today contributor, his work has appeared in The New York Times, among many other publications. His next book is on bioethics and the biotech revolution.

The First Studies of Antidepressant Withdrawal

By no means am I condemning psychotropics for people who are severely mentally ill. For example, there are some very very sick people who suffer from schizophrenia, SEVERE bipolar disorder/mania, manic depression, major depression and psychosis. For these conditions we don’t have any other drugs that help these folks, so at the present moment the benefit does outweigh the risk for severe cases of illness.

Haloperidol and Thorazine medications are extremely hard on some but needed if they’re uncontrollable and are trying to harm themselves. What needs to be done is better preventive maintenance or medicine with therapy, beforehand; so fewer people get sick and out of control to where the only thing that will help them IS something so potentially harmful, such as Haldol/haloperidol or Thorazine/chlorpromazine.

However, there are millions of people who aren’t severely sick, where the risk outweighs the benefit. For example, someone who has PTSD, anxiety, or depression can greatly benefit from Kratom, perhaps, as opposed to taking Lyrica, Prozac, Cymbalta, or Seroquel and Risperidone.

It would be TRAGIC for someone with simple anxiety/PTSD or depression to be put on some of these psychotropics and then end up being permanently disabled and messed up from Tardive Dyskinesia or EPS.

As you may know, if you read my previous blog, that I’ve experienced a lot of trauma in my life. As a result, I have PTSD. Before, I discovered Kratom, I suffered with nightmares every single night. As a result, it made my TMJ worse and mornings were so painful. If only I could of known about this plant so many moons ago, I could of saved myself from so many nights and mornings of suffering.

Let me be clear tho, and say that you must get therapy for your trauma. You cannot solely rely on Kratom to fix your emotional and mental pain. Otherwise, you will be trying to self-medicate with something. You will be trying to fill a void with this plant and that’s not good to do with ANYTHING IN LIFE.

If you haven’t addressed your trauma and not processed it, it would be wise to do so. You could use Kratom in conjunction to getting therapy. Remember, I am not a therapist or a doctor. Always consult your healthcare professional before starting or stopping medication, or any supplement. Do your research. With that said, I truly hope you will give Kratom a chance. If you are anti-Kratom please stop discouraging other people about it, if you ARE reading this and look down upon it. ~ Respectfully Yours, Kami Davis

Also, beware of any medication that your provider prescribes to you that is for anxiety or sleep. Many times, we get prescribed something unnecessary or too strong. For example, when I was having nightmares and anxiety issues, for sleep ..I was prescribed Seroquel. I threw this in the trash because I KNOW firsthand what these types of medications can do to a person.

In no way shape or form was I psychotic or even disturbed. I had anxiety and nightmares as the result of a traumatic experience in my life, in which I was in the middle of processing. That’s IT.

Anxiety is a condition that’s easiest to treat. In my opinion medication should be a last resort. Exercise is the best treatment. If that isn’t enough to help with sleep and anxiety or stress relief then try Kratom and Ashwagandha. Ashwagandha does take 60 days for it to reach maximum benefit, so be patient. If these tools are not enough then maybe you need psych medication. Again, I’m not a doctor so please consult a healthcare professional.

Information on TD/EPS

Below is a video of some folks who have (extra-pyramidal symptoms) EPS/TD (Tardive Dyskinesia)

4 thoughts on “My Experiences With Anxiety, PTSD, Depression, and Kratom.. My Experience As A Psychiatric Nurse and Seeing My Patients Suffer Horrific, Permanent Side-Effects and Withdrawals.. As A Result From Taking Psychotropics ~

  1. I really hope someone on facebook hasn’t been at you again, but either way, fantastic article. The first hint i heard about antidepressant withdrawal was on wikipedia’s page about amitriptyline, something I was prescribed to try to deal with tramadol withdrawal, and something that ultimately failed. I didn’t end up getting hooked, how I have no idea, but I haven’t experienced any of these symptoms when taking amitriptyline. I agree with you, Kratom is worth a try, at least. I’m not as sold on therapy but not because I don’t think it’s useful because it is, but because getting health insurance to cover it isn’t as easy as it once were. Most of my views about things in life tie to money, because I have so little of it, and the cost of living, kratom, food, bills, etc continues to rise. Kratom isn’t really part of the problem, it’s mostly having two internet bills, two phone bills, a high dish and high electric bill. We have two phone bills because Mellisa is with a different phone company than I am, and her phone isn’t new enough to handle using it as an internet hotspot,, where we get a lartge part of our internet. We have an extra internet bill, which isn’t cheap, because around march or feb of this year we signed up with hues net, I’m mangling the spelling, which is satelite internet, and now we’re locked into a two year contract, and let me tell you, our satelite internet is not the most reliable. Everyone knows why you have high electric bills, they just keep going up and it doesn’t help that we’ve struggled to pay them off. Kratom compared to that is a minor expense, if that. I’ve cut back on the amouht I buy, form several kilos a month to only one, because I have so many stockpiled I couldn’t go through them. Those shirts you posted about yesterday look fantastic. I’m rambling, sorry about that. I wanted to explain why I haven’t gotten one yet, I just don’t have the moeny. I might be able to get one with another card, I’ll have to ask permission first though. Just in case someone on facebook prompted this article, you’re stronger than they are, and you handle yourself much better than I do, I don’t have a high tolerance for emotional arguments, and once I get wound up, well, you’ve seen the results. I can’t believe they’ve come up with an entirely new term to mask what is essentially drug addiction, although to antidepressants instead of opioids. And you’re absolutely right, they do mock and downplay this on tv. There are commercials for trintelix (vortioxetine) all the time and the side effects for that stuff make me wonder whether living with depression might be easier. And cancer, and fibromyalgia, and so on. Most of the side effects for most modern drugs make me wonder how they get approved in the first place? They’re whining about kratom and yet they give official sanction to small molecule drugs that do what they want them to do, and about 10 or 15 other things too?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It makes me sad to think that people can’t get therapy due to insurance. Our country is really bad when it comes to mental healthcare. They are not interested in getting us better. They make more money off us when we are sick. But, I would hope that most insurances cover counseling. I know a lot of them do.


    2. ‘I can’t believe they’ve come up with an entirely new term to mask what is essentially drug addiction, although to antidepressants instead of opioids.’ ~ This quote by you sent chills down my spine. I never really thought about it that way but you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. So evil also..


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